Chaos...

BLG03

From the past two days I’ve been constantly fighting with my inner self…and after m done with that I start fighting with real people. It tends to get emotionally draining to just know that your sole objective of going into a fight is to just release yourself of some pressure. And in my life there aren’t many people who are gonna support me for everything I do…Yeah I hav my girl, but she lives in a different world of her own. Often does philosophical things matter to her nor do they affect her. So the question here arises that what to do when you’re fucking frustrated? I have virtually no inlet to vent my anger out.

I know that is a very typical situation of a 21 year old but then it does make me genuinely unhappy. I’ve tried talking to ppl and in turn people hav tried to put some sense into me. But after a couple of days it all crashes like a caffeine shot. Smoking is not my thing. I tried it, I gave it up… too hard for me to do… Yeah, I drink fortnightly but that just helps for 1 day. It doesn’t make me forget my worries for the next 14 days. It gets all messy in your head. When u fight and in the middle of the fight  u forget what’s going on…that is the time u start regretting the fight. It has happened many times with me... I start the fight for some reason, but the fight ends on some other reason altogether. Life is unfair…it really is…

Last night I got a dream…I saw a grand old man…he represented life…I was quite happy and all smiles in front of him. To this he said “You look very happy boy. Let’s fuck your life up a little bit” I can do no more but to stare at him and hope that he smites me with the least he can…coz there’s a limit to suffering…and I know that I’ve crossed that limit a long time back.

Holding On...To Life...

Cheers...Adios..!!